Is Matchmaking a Sin?

QUESTION 2

As a Christian, and in choosing your life partner, is matchmaking a sin?

ANSWER

Matchmaking: Matchmaking is the art and practice of connecting two or more people of opposite sexes together for the purpose of marriage. People of different religions, cultures and societies follow diverse kinds of customs in marrying off their boys and girls. Some of these customs are considered primitive and weird; others are thought to be refined, civilized and sophisticated.   Primitive Days: In the primitive days, particularly in most parts of the world, parents do consult oracles, fortune tellers, star-gazers, witchdoctors, palm-readers and priests for divination in order to discern whether intending couples are ‘divinely meant for each other’ in marriage.

Every society has her unique way of going about matching their young adults for marriages.

Later, in the Middle Ages, as societies became more complex, some families usually employed the services of intermediaries called “go-between” who will skillfully “arrange” marriage proposals between couples-to-be, consents of both parents as well as rituals and ceremonies preceding weddings.

Modern Days But these days with the advancement of technologies and their resultant enhancement of social interactions, many people take the advantage of social media and interconnectivity through internet to get acquainted with their would-be-spouses. These have created a lot of opportunities of escapades for young boys and girls and through which some of them get hooked up in marriages.

With the advent of Christianity, however, and since religion doesn’t exist in vacuum, the teachings and practices of the Bible have seriously impacted the societal norms.

Old-time conservative Christian values seem to advocate complete reliance on God for the choice of marriage partner. This is conservative Christianity. Thus, the Holy Spirit must be hundred percent responsible for choosing your life partner. Any young man who wants to marry, for instance, should pray; and continue to pray until God “reveals” his would-be wife to him. Until then, he shouldn’t make any move in approaching any opposite sex for marriage. In addition, the young woman seeking to be married too must equally pray; and continue to pray until God also “reveals” to her who exactly is her would-be-husband. She also makes no move until there’s positive correlation and confirmation between the revelations of the young man, “Mr. A”; and the young woman, “Miss B”.  This view is of the far left!

Liberal Christianity:   But modern liberal Christianity preaches that God can use any way (including matchmaking) in meeting the marital needs of His people. After all, the Bible says God has more than a thousand ways whereas we have none! This view is of the far right!

Liberal thinking always frowns at orthodox and conservative interpretations of Biblical injunctions especially as it pertains to marriage issues. This has caused a lot of divergent views amongst young Christians as well as those intending to marry. Between these two views are many conflicting, opposing and contradictory doctrines, dogmas and beliefs: some a little to the left and some a little to the right!

My Advice:

The real posers are, of course, not which of these views is correct or which is wrong. Rather, it has to do with what exactly is the mind of God concerning using the services of matchmakers in deciding the choice of who to marry? The following are my views:

In my experience, I have often observed that most Christians don’t want to be identified as matchmakers because of the fear of being blackmailed or blamed should in case the relationship between the husband and his wife later turns sour. Thus, some of the people stopped a little short of being a matchmaker; they rather introduce someone to the other with a strict warning: “please, I’m not a matchmaker… I’m just introducing you…. pray and if the two of you found yourself to be compatible… then you can commence the process of marriage…”

This phobia is understood in the light of what happened in the Garden of Eden when God asked Adam why he ate the forbidden fruit. His response was as if he had no choice other than to accept ‘the woman Thou gavest to be with me…’ He was sort of blaming God and shifting responsibility on Him for giving him the wife. It was as if he wouldn’t have chosen “the woman” if God had not given him! Genesis 3:11-12 says, “And he said, who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I did eat

On the other hand, a few couples who happened to have been “introduced” to each other and whose marital unions are blissful have always been eternally grateful to the “introducer.” In Genesis 24:62-67, despite the delay in child-bearing, Isaac never blamed his father’s eldest servant through whom he got Rebekah, his wife. In fact, he was graciously relaxing and meditating at the cool of the day, when the eldest servant, “the matchmaker,” brought the wife to him.

Conclusion: Therefore, it does not necessarily mean that matchmaking is evil or sinful. It’s just that some people who could have joyfully acted as matchmakers are afraid since most beneficiaries often shift and heap blames of any misfortune in their marriages on the matchmaker.

 

***   Please watch out for another post dealing with ways in which God can lead someone to know his or her future partner.  

 

This is a BLOG dealing with Questions & Answers on marriage and relationship matters. You are free to ask any question and air your views in the comment section on any of the answers.

 

Pastor Williams Akinbamijo, Pastor in Charge of Ogun Province 4 of The Redeemed Christian Church of God, Redemption Camp, Ogun State, Nigeria

47 Replies to “Is Matchmaking a Sin?”

  1. I wanted to send you the tiny note to finally say thank you once again just for the extraordinary basics you’ve documented on this website. It has been simply strangely open-handed with you to offer unreservedly exactly what a lot of people would have sold as an ebook in order to make some dough for their own end, precisely seeing that you could have tried it if you ever decided. These things in addition served to become fantastic way to understand that most people have similar keenness similar to my personal own to grasp very much more with regard to this matter. I’m certain there are several more enjoyable instances in the future for those who examine your site.

  2. I was recommended this blog by means of my cousin. I’m not sure whether this put up is written through him as no one else know such certain approximately my difficulty. You are incredible! Thank you!

  3. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is required to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web savvy so I’m not 100 positive. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Appreciate it

  4. I precisely desired to appreciate you all over again. I’m not certain what I would have achieved without those secrets contributed by you relating to such a field. It had become the frustrating concern for me personally, nevertheless viewing your specialised style you handled the issue made me to leap over delight. I will be thankful for this assistance and even hope that you comprehend what a great job you are always getting into teaching some other people by way of your blog post. Probably you’ve never got to know all of us.

  5. I wish to get across my admiration for your kind-heartedness for those people that really want help with this important theme. Your real commitment to getting the message throughout had become definitely informative and has continuously permitted women like me to attain their pursuits. This helpful tutorial indicates so much to me and especially to my office workers. With thanks; from each one of us.

  6. Thanks so much for giving everyone an extremely marvellous opportunity to read critical reviews from this web site. It’s always so amazing and also stuffed with amusement for me personally and my office friends to visit your blog a minimum of three times a week to read the newest issues you have. Not to mention, I am actually contented with your terrific strategies served by you. Selected two tips in this post are without a doubt the simplest I have ever had.

  7. I’m no longer positive the place you’re getting your info, however good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or figuring out more. Thank you for wonderful information I used to be in search of this information for my mission.

  8. Thanks a lot for giving everyone such a nice chance to check tips from this site. It can be very fantastic and as well , full of fun for me and my office fellow workers to visit the blog the equivalent of 3 times a week to find out the latest tips you have. And indeed, I am also usually pleased for the breathtaking methods you give. Selected 2 points in this posting are absolutely the best I’ve had.

  9. I precisely had to appreciate you once again. I am not sure what I would’ve gone through without the advice provided by you about my question. It absolutely was a very intimidating matter in my view, but being able to view a skilled tactic you processed it made me to jump for fulfillment. I will be happy for your service and in addition wish you realize what a powerful job you were doing teaching the mediocre ones thru your websites. I know that you haven’t met all of us.

  10. The root of your writing whilst sounding agreeable originally, did not work well with me after some time. Someplace within the sentences you actually managed to make me a believer but just for a while. I however have got a problem with your jumps in logic and you might do well to help fill in all those gaps. In the event you actually can accomplish that, I would definitely be fascinated.

  11. I precisely desired to say thanks again. I’m not certain what I would’ve sorted out in the absence of the type of concepts contributed by you regarding my field. It was before a very terrifying condition in my circumstances, but viewing your specialized technique you resolved that made me to jump for contentment. I’m just grateful for your support and in addition wish you really know what a great job you are accomplishing teaching people today by way of your website. Most likely you’ve never encountered any of us.

  12. I wanted to put you that little remark in order to say thank you again about the remarkable information you have shared here. It was so unbelievably open-handed of people like you to offer publicly all that most of us might have made available as an ebook to end up making some money on their own, specifically seeing that you could have done it if you considered necessary. These good tips as well worked to become a good way to comprehend other individuals have similar keenness just as mine to grasp a good deal more when considering this issue. I know there are a lot more pleasurable instances ahead for those who look over your website.

  13. Thanks for every one of your efforts on this blog. Kate delights in going through research and it’s obvious why. We all notice all about the lively form you make useful tips on the web site and even invigorate contribution from other ones about this area then my daughter is truly learning a lot of things. Enjoy the remaining portion of the year. Your conducting a first class job.

  14. I would like to express my passion for your kind-heartedness for those people that have the need for help with your theme. Your special dedication to getting the solution along appears to be astonishingly insightful and have continuously empowered women like me to arrive at their targets. The helpful help and advice means this much a person like me and even more to my fellow workers. Many thanks; from all of us.

  15. Admiring the commitment you put into your site and detailed information you provide. It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed material. Excellent read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  16. My wife and i felt absolutely cheerful when Peter could round up his inquiry while using the precious recommendations he acquired through your web site. It’s not at all simplistic to just always be making a gift of information and facts many people might have been selling. Therefore we figure out we now have you to appreciate for this. All of the explanations you made, the straightforward blog menu, the relationships you will help engender – it is all great, and it is facilitating our son and our family understand this idea is satisfying, which is particularly essential. Many thanks for all!

  17. My husband and i ended up being satisfied that Raymond could finish up his reports with the ideas he had from your own web pages. It is now and again perplexing to just possibly be offering information and facts which people today might have been trying to sell. Therefore we acknowledge we need the website owner to appreciate for this. These illustrations you made, the simple web site navigation, the friendships you can help to promote – it’s got mostly incredible, and it is facilitating our son and the family believe that the topic is amusing, and that’s tremendously pressing. Thank you for everything!

  18. I haven’t checked in here for a while since I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are great quality so I guess I’ll add you back to my daily bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂

  19. Thanks for all of the hard work on this site. My daughter takes pleasure in working on research and it’s simple to grasp why. My partner and i learn all regarding the lively form you produce powerful techniques on the web site and in addition encourage participation from visitors about this concern while our simple princess is undoubtedly becoming educated a lot. Take pleasure in the remaining portion of the new year. Your carrying out a tremendous job.

  20. I and my guys were actually viewing the best helpful hints from the blog and suddenly I got a horrible suspicion I had not expressed respect to you for those secrets. The women are actually for that reason warmed to read them and have unquestionably been loving these things. Many thanks for turning out to be very thoughtful and then for pick out these kinds of great guides millions of individuals are really desirous to discover. Our own sincere apologies for not expressing appreciation to you earlier.

  21. I wish to show my appreciation to this writer for rescuing me from this circumstance. After surfing through the the net and finding tips which were not productive, I figured my life was over. Being alive without the presence of strategies to the issues you have resolved all through your entire blog post is a crucial case, as well as the ones which may have badly damaged my entire career if I hadn’t noticed your site. The skills and kindness in dealing with the whole lot was priceless. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I hadn’t encountered such a subject like this. It’s possible to at this time relish my future. Thank you very much for this reliable and effective guide. I will not think twice to recommend your web page to any person who needs guide about this area.

  22. I simply couldn’t leave your site prior to suggesting
    that I extremely enjoyed the standard information an individual supply in your guests?
    Is gonna be again regularly to check up on new posts

  23. My wife and i felt very excited when John could do his preliminary research through the ideas he acquired out of your web page. It is now and again perplexing to just choose to be freely giving guidance that many most people might have been trying to sell. And we also discover we have got the blog owner to appreciate because of that. The illustrations you have made, the easy blog navigation, the relationships you will help engender – it is all unbelievable, and it is assisting our son and us understand that content is pleasurable, which is certainly exceedingly important. Thank you for the whole lot!

  24. Wonderful goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are just extremely great. I really like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you are saying and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it wise. I can’t wait to read much more from you. This is actually a terrific website.

  25. I enjoy you because of your entire efforts on this web page. My mum takes pleasure in conducting research and it’s really easy to see why. Most people notice all concerning the compelling tactic you offer precious things through your web blog and as well as boost contribution from other individuals on the subject matter while our child has been understanding a lot. Take pleasure in the rest of the new year. You are doing a useful job.

  26. I have to express my appreciation to the writer for bailing me out of this particular incident. Because of looking out through the search engines and coming across thoughts which are not powerful, I was thinking my entire life was done. Existing without the answers to the difficulties you have sorted out through your entire posting is a crucial case, as well as the ones that might have negatively affected my entire career if I hadn’t noticed your website. Your actual skills and kindness in controlling all the details was important. I am not sure what I would have done if I had not discovered such a point like this. It’s possible to at this time look ahead to my future. Thanks for your time so much for this impressive and results-oriented guide. I won’t be reluctant to refer the blog to anyone who requires counselling on this matter.

  27. Thank you for posting this awesome article. I’m a long time reader but I’ve never been compelled to leave a comment. I subscribed to your blog and shared this on my Twitter. Thanks again for a great post!

  28. I simply wanted to post a brief message to express gratitude to you for all of the nice suggestions you are writing on this site. My particularly long internet investigation has now been compensated with excellent details to go over with my friends and classmates. I ‘d point out that we site visitors actually are rather fortunate to live in a wonderful place with many brilliant people with very helpful points. I feel really privileged to have discovered your website and look forward to so many more thrilling minutes reading here. Thank you once more for a lot of things.

  29. I just wanted to compose a brief note so as to appreciate you for the nice solutions you are sharing on this site. My long internet lookup has at the end been rewarded with extremely good tips to share with my two friends. I ‘d tell you that we readers are really lucky to dwell in a superb site with many brilliant people with great plans. I feel very much grateful to have come across the site and look forward to tons of more thrilling moments reading here. Thank you again for all the details.

  30. I as well as my friends ended up reviewing the great hints found on the website and quickly I got a horrible suspicion I never thanked the website owner for those secrets. My women became as a result very interested to read them and have in effect without a doubt been enjoying those things. I appreciate you for indeed being so kind and then for utilizing variety of excellent ideas most people are really desirous to be informed on. My personal honest regret for not expressing appreciation to sooner.

  31. Heya i’m for the first time here. I found this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to give something back and help others like you aided me.

  32. Thank you for each of your efforts on this web page. My daughter really likes conducting investigation and it is easy to understand why. Many of us learn all concerning the compelling form you produce rewarding tips on this web site and attract response from other individuals about this area plus my daughter is truly discovering a lot. Have fun with the remaining portion of the year. You’re doing a really good job.

  33. I’ve been surfing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It?s pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  34. A lot of thanks for your own work on this web page. My daughter take interest in engaging in research and it’s easy to see why. A lot of people hear all concerning the lively medium you deliver reliable thoughts by means of the website and strongly encourage participation from people on the situation then our favorite simple princess is certainly learning a lot. Enjoy the remaining portion of the year. Your doing a stunning job.

  35. Nice post. I was checking constantly this weblog and I’m inspired!
    Very helpful info particularly the closing section 🙂 I care for such information a lot.

    I was looking for this particular information for a long time.

    Thank you aand best of luck.

  36. I enjoy you because of all of your labor on this web page. My mother enjoys participating in internet research and it’s obvious why. All of us know all regarding the lively method you convey advantageous suggestions through the web site and in addition foster contribution from other ones on this matter so our favorite simple princess is without question discovering so much. Take pleasure in the remaining portion of the new year. You’re performing a great job.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *